cuteness

Today I rocked a grumpy snuggly Caleb boy right after his nap. I've started waking him a little earlier than he likes to get up in order to make bedtime easier. He is very pitiful and sensitive until he gets his snuggles and a large dose of chocolate milk. We were still in the pink cheeks, lines on the face, slightly sweaty curls, "mommy hold me" zone when we heard some sirens in the distance. He raises up from my chest and looks right in my eyes (picture the striking blue and looooong eyelashes) and says, "mommy, it's an amblylance!"

There are just some mispronunciations that should not be corrected.

Treasures, Part 2

This post has been percolating for some time. I mentioned the idea of it on another friend's blog recently during an interesting "conversation" about how someone could find a sexually compatible mate if they don't believe in sex until marriage. I don't think that any of my ideas on this subject are necessarily new, but I do often encounter misperceptions of how I think about this or how the subject will be handled in my family. These misperceptions mainly seem to be that we are going to try to shelter our kids from the subject of sex because we don't want them doing it before marriage.

I don't believe that sheltering my kids will help them out at all to follow God's design for this area of their lives. I believe that I need to establish myself very early on (like now) as a person in their lives who is comfortable talking about this subject, and who will tell them the truth. I think the idea of "the talk" is ridiculous, and it never did anyone much good other than convincing a lot of kids that their parents were completely uncomfortable with the topic and the last ones that they'd ever want to talk to about it again.

Our plan is to answer questions as they come up openly and honestly. We won't be trying to keep our kids in the dark, but we will protect them from "too much information" and we'll especially try to protect them from wrong information. We will attempt to cast a vision for them from early on, that their sexuality is a beautiful gift from God to be treasured. (Like any other treasure, it is to be protected and saved for the right time and the right circumstances.) That it is designed to be a pleasurable, wonderful, fruitful, sacred expression of love and unity, and that marriage is the place where it can best live up to that potential. They will know that they're going to experience plenty of feelings prior to marriage that are normal, natural, and good, because it means they are growing up and becoming the men that God planned all along. We're going to try to help them understand how to cope with these feelings in a healthy and positive way that doesn't cause emotional, spiritual, or physical damage for themselves or anyone else. These boys already know that mommy and daddy love them and are proud to call them sons no matter what they do. They know that we do have certain standards for their behavior, which are for their own good. They know that when they make mistakes and mess up that we forgive them, and love them still, and that we encourage them to go forward and do better next time. We are trying to equip them to make good decisions. We will do our best to walk that fine line between being supportive and settling for less than God's best for them.

I have recently purchased these two books: Why Boys and Girls Are Different: For Ages 3 to 5 and Parents (Learning About Sex Series, Bk. 1), and The Story of Me (Gods Design for Sex) to augment the conversations that have already begun. At this age of course it is all very basic general stuff - nothing graphic. The first book is part of a series from the National Center for Biblical Parenting, which I've already benefitted so much from. There were the fewest parental reviews about it, so I decided to check it out for myself. The second book is also part of a series, that's been personally recommended to me by several different parents and does have many more online reviews. I'll try to post my opinions once we've worked with each of them a little more.

Does it seem a little early to me (ages 4 and 2) to be talking about this? In some ways yes, but the fact is that in this society they are going to be hearing about these things pretty darn early anyway, even with parents that actively try to protect their hearts and minds. I want to be the first one they hear it from, in an appropriate way, so I'm not having to go back and correct misinformation. So far, we're not introducing things to them that they aren't already asking us about. At this point basic questions are coming up just with potty training going on. We will take cues from them about what they want to know, and about what they aren't ready for yet.

One last thought. As part of his Sunday school teaching today, Matt read a short segment from C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity. Lewis' idea in this passage was that many view God as someone who's just trying to take the fun out of things. I've certainly encountered the idea from others that having rules about sex just makes everything terribly boring. Can I just say, in marriage He demonstrates the relationship between Christ and his church. Marriage is designed to be a sort of self-portrait. Now think about the Grand Canyon and the rainforests and the most amazing beaches you've ever seen. Think about the Northern lights and sunsets filled with color. Think about the fragrance of apple blossoms or the way lightning arcs through the sky. When God paints a self-portrait in creation, is it ever boring? Is it ever stuffy and pathetic? Hardly! Read through Genesis and consider the Garden of Eden. Read through Song of Solomon and consider the passion that couple shared. God's design is not for this to be boring folks. We're talking about Paradise here! That was and is His design. Sometimes boundaries actually provide freedom.

So there you have it. Boy it is good to finally pour these thoughts out! I'd love to discuss further because I know you're not reading this post without some sort of opinion, agreement, objection, question, or something... please comment!

unbelievable

Sometimes, even I can't believe the things that go on in my house. I just now was putting the boys down to nap. Caleb visited the "throne" and he tends to take a while, even longer if I sit with him. So, I was coming in and out putting away some laundry. I went to hang a shirt in my closet when I hear a mild crashing noise and a splatter. Caleb starts crying, "oh no oh no I spilled it!" Yes, somehow he knocked over his potty chair and poop and pee went flying across the bathroom floor. Of course this took a while getting cleaned up, and he felt that he wasn't finished, so he went to the toilet while I was cleaning the potty chair. I had just gotten everything cleaned up, and took my yucky cleaning rag back into the bedroom to deposit in the basket of dirty laundry. This time, I hear a loud ping noise, followed by a large crash with the clink of breaking things hitting the floor, followed by screaming. I race back in to find that our large framed map of the Outer Banks has been pulled from the wall. Of course my first concern is Caleb - this is definitely big enough to seriously hurt a child. It's quickly apparent that he is crying mainly out of sadness over what he has done, and just a little because it did bump his knee. We had glued shells we collected on the shore while visiting the Outer Banks all around this frame, and several of them were knocked off and broken. I'm sure that the whole thing started because Caleb loves to see those shells and was probably trying to get them closer so he could look at them more easily. He was just horrified and pointing out to me the broken shells scattering the floor around him. I could tell he felt terrible. Then I look up to see that the frame has busted a hole in the wall behind Caleb. As I am gathering up the shells I also notice that the thing came directly down on the toilet paper holder, which has also been busted from the wall. The ping noise must have been from the wire on the back of the frame snapping in half. I'm not happy about the state of my bathroom, but I am very thankful that he wasn't more seriously hurt! I think the wall and the toilet paper holder took the weight so he didn't have to. (Try to remember that Matt when I'm having you repair them. :-) Love you honey!) It took me a while to get the little guy calmed down and once he was in bed he went to sleep much quicker than usual. I have noticed that trend whenever they've experienced something they consider traumatic. Poor guy. May have to find a new location to re-hang the picture. I hope that my little guy is still willing to use that bathroom!

the joy of summer

Here's grandma's rendition of our first real hot day here in Columbus (hope you don't mind mom) :-) .

Yesterday I hauled myself out of bed early, on my DAY OFF, to go to Columbus with Mike. He dropped me off at Beth's. We were met by two smiling, excited boys who raced out to meet us. It was a quintessential summer day with kids, and I loved every minute of it. We were outside nearly all day, in the sprinkler and/or kiddy pool, riding trikes up and down the sidewalk, back in the air conditioning to cool off and read, because it was stinkin' hot. Ian and his Mommy made popsicles. We picked cherries from their tree. We ate leftover cold pizza on the deck for lunch. I helped Caleb watch ants, pill bugs, find out about bird poop, and pretend to "fish" in a crack in the concrete with a stick. And watch the neighbors--he's very interested in anything the man next door does. Caleb reprimanded me after a lady walked past us with her dog; he continued his nonstop conversation with her, as she passed. Then turned to me reproachfully- "Grandma, you didn't say hello to her!"

I got to read lots of books to the boys, with them cuddled up on either side of me, so I could hardly turn the pages and they had to help me. Then after Grandpa returned, Beth fixed a lovely impromptu dinner of marinated grilled pork kabobs with rice-a-roni, green beans and sauteed sliced mushrooms. The boys chowed down, too. Ian liked the meat and veggies best, and Caleb liked the rice dish. In fact when Ian was done, Caleb moved over to Ian's plate and polished off the rest of his rice. As he had earlier finished off Ian's abandoned dry Honey Nut Cheerios... There is no food wasted at the McElhenys.

days four and five

Can I give the potty party any higher recommendation? We are basically diaper free. We are still putting Caleb in pull ups for naps and bedtime, but they are dry every time. He is initiating going on his own. He responds well to reminders if I have to give them (like before we're leaving somewhere). The whole process pretty much has made him excited and happy (I mentioned him being upset in a previous post - that's been limited to accidents, which let's face it, you don't want him to be happy about that!) He is pumped to be a big kid and loves his underwear and is proud of himself when he goes. Our relationship has been strengthened if anything. I think potty training is one of those things that can be very stressful for some parents and kids, and can even be damaging to their relationship.

I know that we are still on the learning curve and there will still be mistakes at times, and that is just fine - my goals with this have been to get rid of diapers and to give him the tools he needs and help him to be excited about being big.

Every one of those goals is met or well on it's way. Go potty party, Go Caleb!

You're Gonna Miss This

I like this song by Trace Adkins:

She was staring out the window of their SUV
Complaning, saying "I can't wait to turn 18"
She said "I'll make my own money, and I'll make my own rules"
Mamma put the car in park out there in front of the school
Then she kissed her head and said "I was just like you"

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

Before she knows it she's a brand new bride
In a one-bedroom apartment, and her daddy stops by
He tells her "It's a nice place"
She says "It'll do for now"
Starts talking about babies and buying a house
Daddy shakes his head and saysAnd s "Baby, just slow down"

Cause you're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

Five years later there's a plumber workin' on the water heater
Dog's barkin', phone's ringin'
One kid's cryin', one kid's screamin'
And she keeps apologizin'
He says "They don't bother me.
I've got 2 babies of my own.
One's 36, one's 23.
Huh, it's hard to believe, but...

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this"

http://www.cmt.com/videos/trace-adkins/217378/youre-gonna-miss-this.jhtml

Day Three

We're getting somewhere now... today only a couple of very minor accidents. Sometimes I am taking him, sometimes he recognizes his own need and goes on his own. Waking up from naps and overnight dry many times. He's definitely more interested in keeping Buzz Lightyear dry than he is in keeping Spiderman dry. Go figure. His first foray into independence from Ian. :-)

A few observations before I let this potty topic die (yes, I will actually eventually do so). (I just know that when I started this whole potty training thing with Ian I was desperate for ideas/answers/support and I am posting all this because I hope that some other parent somewhere will eventually benefit from it! And because the grandparents like updates. And because it is therapeutic for me. :-)

- A great book esp. for boys: The Potty Train by David Hochman

- A CD that helped keep things fun: Miss Joanie's Potty Party by Joanie Whittaker (though I must say, avoid song #4! - about bad monkeys putting things in the potty - what in the world were they thinking?!? The rest of it was cute.)

-This time it ended up being a Potty Party Weekend, rather than all in one day. I think that worked out the best for us, maybe because Caleb is committed to his naps, and day one just didn't give enough practice.

-The whole flushing with fun drinks thing was a little rough. The sugar in the Kool Aid seemed to really make him go an unreasonable amount. Today was much easier because we went back to our norm for fluid intake and that helped us both gauge how often he really needs to go.

-Potty training in the summer beats potty training in the winter hands down. We just play outside a lot, and it's very easy to stay relaxed when accidents aren't affecting carpets or furniture. Plus, way fewer clothes to worry about keeping clean. Every person in the neighborhood has probably seen my child's undies by now, but honestly, who cares. He is so stinkin' cute in them anyway!

Fire Station 30

The last step of the Potty Party is a trip out to the child's favorite destination to celebrate. This step got put off until last night, partly because Caleb needed more practice. We went to Fire Station 30, chocolate chip friendship bread muffins in hand, and Fireman Tom took us on a tour...





Then, a completely unexpected moment of victory, caught on tape no less. The first time that Caleb actually initiated going potty while in his undies!! Woohoo!

day two

Here's an excerpt from an e-mail I just sent to a friend:

...I am doing my utmost to be fun and happy and teach him the skill he needs, and it seems that what I have leftover for Matt and Ian is exhaustion and crankiness. It may be totally silly, but will you pray for us? Pray that I will be able to stick to this and that Caleb will start to understand his body's signals and that I won't turn into a horrible person to be around for everyone else in the process!!! If I am seeming completely nuts to you.... just picture endless laundry and floor cleaning and washing out shoes and spending four hours out of every day sitting on a tiny little hard stool watching a two year old sit on the porcelain throne and pretending like it's the most thrilling thing in the universe. :-)

So that was my bit of complaining... but I have to say that I am immensely enjoying one on one time with Caleb and... I even think there may be a tiny bit of progress. As today has gone on, Caleb has started getting upset about his many accidents. I am taking this as a step in the right direction, better than not noticing at all or not caring about being wet. I do hate to see him upset though. I absolutely have come a long way since Ian was first born in understanding that it is OKAY, and sometimes even good for kids to be upset and disappointed at times. If they never are, they never learn! So, I do not cater to my kids' every emotion, and I do not allow their emotions to dictate our family life. However, there is still the part of me that just loves the tar out of them and hates to see them cry.

The weapon of choice:


Off to a good start:


Prefers Pauls' head to the potty chart for stickers...


Mr. Big Stuff


Big Kid cleaning up:


Partners in Crime:


Trying Crocs - may I say, these are the BEST for potty training! They're probably good for other reasons, but this is the first day we've tried them and I'm so glad it's coinciding with all these accidents. Just rinse out, wipe dry, and go.


A nice diversion from the potty stuff: Ian decided all on his own today to make a Lemonade Stand. My pen did not touch his paper. The original sign had to be updated when we ran out of Lemonade (sleepover across the street) but he wrote the second sign for "Kool-Ade" himself as well. He made over $2 because apparently nobody but mom and dad could stand to pay the kid just a nickel... he practically robbed his Grandma Nancy blind... :-)