Treasures, Part 2

This post has been percolating for some time. I mentioned the idea of it on another friend's blog recently during an interesting "conversation" about how someone could find a sexually compatible mate if they don't believe in sex until marriage. I don't think that any of my ideas on this subject are necessarily new, but I do often encounter misperceptions of how I think about this or how the subject will be handled in my family. These misperceptions mainly seem to be that we are going to try to shelter our kids from the subject of sex because we don't want them doing it before marriage.

I don't believe that sheltering my kids will help them out at all to follow God's design for this area of their lives. I believe that I need to establish myself very early on (like now) as a person in their lives who is comfortable talking about this subject, and who will tell them the truth. I think the idea of "the talk" is ridiculous, and it never did anyone much good other than convincing a lot of kids that their parents were completely uncomfortable with the topic and the last ones that they'd ever want to talk to about it again.

Our plan is to answer questions as they come up openly and honestly. We won't be trying to keep our kids in the dark, but we will protect them from "too much information" and we'll especially try to protect them from wrong information. We will attempt to cast a vision for them from early on, that their sexuality is a beautiful gift from God to be treasured. (Like any other treasure, it is to be protected and saved for the right time and the right circumstances.) That it is designed to be a pleasurable, wonderful, fruitful, sacred expression of love and unity, and that marriage is the place where it can best live up to that potential. They will know that they're going to experience plenty of feelings prior to marriage that are normal, natural, and good, because it means they are growing up and becoming the men that God planned all along. We're going to try to help them understand how to cope with these feelings in a healthy and positive way that doesn't cause emotional, spiritual, or physical damage for themselves or anyone else. These boys already know that mommy and daddy love them and are proud to call them sons no matter what they do. They know that we do have certain standards for their behavior, which are for their own good. They know that when they make mistakes and mess up that we forgive them, and love them still, and that we encourage them to go forward and do better next time. We are trying to equip them to make good decisions. We will do our best to walk that fine line between being supportive and settling for less than God's best for them.

I have recently purchased these two books: Why Boys and Girls Are Different: For Ages 3 to 5 and Parents (Learning About Sex Series, Bk. 1), and The Story of Me (Gods Design for Sex) to augment the conversations that have already begun. At this age of course it is all very basic general stuff - nothing graphic. The first book is part of a series from the National Center for Biblical Parenting, which I've already benefitted so much from. There were the fewest parental reviews about it, so I decided to check it out for myself. The second book is also part of a series, that's been personally recommended to me by several different parents and does have many more online reviews. I'll try to post my opinions once we've worked with each of them a little more.

Does it seem a little early to me (ages 4 and 2) to be talking about this? In some ways yes, but the fact is that in this society they are going to be hearing about these things pretty darn early anyway, even with parents that actively try to protect their hearts and minds. I want to be the first one they hear it from, in an appropriate way, so I'm not having to go back and correct misinformation. So far, we're not introducing things to them that they aren't already asking us about. At this point basic questions are coming up just with potty training going on. We will take cues from them about what they want to know, and about what they aren't ready for yet.

One last thought. As part of his Sunday school teaching today, Matt read a short segment from C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity. Lewis' idea in this passage was that many view God as someone who's just trying to take the fun out of things. I've certainly encountered the idea from others that having rules about sex just makes everything terribly boring. Can I just say, in marriage He demonstrates the relationship between Christ and his church. Marriage is designed to be a sort of self-portrait. Now think about the Grand Canyon and the rainforests and the most amazing beaches you've ever seen. Think about the Northern lights and sunsets filled with color. Think about the fragrance of apple blossoms or the way lightning arcs through the sky. When God paints a self-portrait in creation, is it ever boring? Is it ever stuffy and pathetic? Hardly! Read through Genesis and consider the Garden of Eden. Read through Song of Solomon and consider the passion that couple shared. God's design is not for this to be boring folks. We're talking about Paradise here! That was and is His design. Sometimes boundaries actually provide freedom.

So there you have it. Boy it is good to finally pour these thoughts out! I'd love to discuss further because I know you're not reading this post without some sort of opinion, agreement, objection, question, or something... please comment!