Big Machines

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more merged than ever

I am actually going to blog.

Just thought I might need to preface it so no-one goes into shock. Yesterday Matt and the boys and I attended the Miami University Alumni weekend. We both went to school there, and because we married one another we are considered a "Miami Merger" - the third in my family if I count correctly. We'd never really had an interest in alumni weekend before but this year when we got the flyer saying they were trying to break the Guinness Book of World Records for the most couples renewing their wedding vows at one time, we started thinking about it. Then we found that many of our dear friends from IVCF were going to be getting together and that cinched it.

It was a blast! Despite all of us being hot and tired we had a great time. One of my favorite moments was renewing our vows. Matt already posted about some of the hoopla that was going on, so I just wanted to fill in my perspective on that moment. The boys were happy to have a shady place to sit for a few minutes, and I don't think they really understood what was going on but thankfully sat quietly anyway. That was especially good because as many parents will understand, I don't think I'd actually looked into my husband's eyes for at least 24 hours at that point if not longer. Somehow you are packing and loading and driving and eating meals and even sleeping next to one another, but there is so much to do you don't really even get to stop and notice the person who is next to you for all of it. So the mayor who was officiating the vow renewal says to join hands, and I look into Matt's eyes, and at that point it really didn't matter to me that there were a thousand other couples around us, or kids to be responsible for. Know what I mean?

Eight years ago (plus about a month) we stood in Kumler chapel on campus and exchanged vows the first time. Matt told some of our friends yesterday evening, he cried during that ceremony, but I cried during this one. Somehow saying the "in good times and bad" meant a lot more having actually lived it. I mean, we haven't had too many bad times, but I can look in Matt's eyes and relive so many moments - these are the same eyes that have truly seen me at my worst, and at my best as a wife and as a mother, and this man is totally committed to me and our family. He shows it in big and small ways every day, and I love and appreciate that about him. We were lamenting before we left for home late last night, how long the drive is from Oxford to Columbus and how tired we were. Both boys went to sleep right away, and we finally got a chance to talk about everything. That ride home went so quickly and was so enjoyable! I love that I have a communicative man. I truly enjoy our conversations. I am blessed to be married to my best friend.

I think that alumni weekend may become more of a tradition for us!

Happy Father's Day Matthew - I love you!

Daddy Pics

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honesty

I am praying these days for God to help me with my mouth. What I want is for gentle, but consistent, correction of my children. What I dish out, seems lately to be consistently less than gentle. These boys of mine can be so wonderful, and yet so maddening! They are normal kids, testing the limits and trying to gain independence, as they are meant to do. I have learned that I vent my frustration verbally, and it is not pretty. It is often the worst part of my feelings that comes out of my mouth - and the worst part of my feelings usually are not long-lived... so my words aren't even a good representation of my true feelings. I want to get better control of this so that my children will know my true feelings towards them. I do not want them to remember childhood as a time when mom was always exasperated with them. I do not want them to ever think that I value peace and quiet more than I value them. Some days I get it right and it feels so good to know that I have been gracious and demonstrated a little understanding towards my kids, even in moments of correction, and brought peace to my home. Other days I know that my kids needed correction but I delivered it in such a harsh way that it created more problems than it solved. I have been working on these issues for a long time and have gone through seasons of real improvement, but I feel like I've gone backward a little in this area lately and want to turn that tide. My heart's desire is to be a mom who guards her boys' hearts through love and understanding and truth-giving and fun. I also want to raise boys who understand how to be respectful of others and who know limits and can submit themselves to authority. I see in these two boys the sweetest little hearts. They can be rotten at times, no doubt (just like their mother) but the potential is there for extremely compassionate, thinking, loving people. I don't want to squash it! I never want to break their trust or damage our relationship with harshness. I already know that I cannot do this on my own. I have failed too many times for me to even think it is possible apart from God's strength. I desperately need His grace to be patient in moments that test my patience, to be gentle in moments when it is my tendency to lash out. And the worst part is it may feel good in/for the moment to say what is on my mind but it ends up just creating more stress and guilt! Using my mouth for my own stress relief is not what it was made for! God gave me words to build others up and encourage them, not for selfish gain.

Just being honest.

general musings

Tonight I am fighting the typical monthly migraine and mulling over various things.

Such as, it is interesting how in some things others' opinions affect me so little, and in others, small comments can throw me for such a loop.

And various C.S. Lewis ideas and quotes

And what purpose God has for my eldest son's fiercely independent nature

And why vanilla ice cream with peanuts and chocolate is so darn good

And how it is that I was so very blessed to have a husband who is so good to me - returns the last minute library items and comes home with just the right ice cream for me - smears Vaseline on my boys' cracked hands - scrubs out their disgusting crocs - makes bathtime fun for kids when I am exhausted and have no fun left in me - forever lets me warm my frozen toes on him without complaint

you know, just stuff.

clingy at 3 1/2

For some reason, Caleb has been suddenly struggling with separation anxiety. What??!! I don't remember him ever crying about being dropped off at church or preschool in his life. Suddenly both those things are issues, as well as me going out in the evening and leaving him with daddy, and even grandpa was given a hard time a couple of weeks ago! We even had a crying episode over me being in the basement doing laundry. What in the world? I'm not sure where this is coming from.

Although I haven't yet found myself annoyed about it. Mostly it is just sweet that he wants me! I don't want him to be sad though, so in that way I look forward to it getting better. As far as he knows I don't think it's cute. :-) I'm sure he picks up on more than I realize, but he's been told that he needs to be a big boy and not give people (teachers, daddy, etc.) a hard time. But I sure am taking the opportunity to give him some extra hugs and kisses. I just adore those chubby little arms around my neck.

I have found that it helps if Ian drops Caleb off in his preschool classroom rather than me. I give Little C hugs in the hallway and then they wrap their arms around each other and go on in to the room. Ian stays for a minute, gives hugs and kisses too, and then goes across the hall to his class. So sweet!

good day

Well, today is Monday. Nuff said.

Yesterday however was a very good day. Matt taught a great lesson for our class at church. I was sleep deprived and I was still really into it. We are going through the book of Acts, but this lesson focused on a very short story in it, at the beginning of chapter 5, about Ananias and Sapphira. Basically a couple attempts together to deceive God. It is one of those short stories that has a lot in it to think about. We talked about what things we as couples can do to encourage each other or bring one another down. Whether there are any areas in our lives where we are in agreement with each other but not in agreement with God. (For example, television shows we enjoy together but that do not honor God, or times when we join together in negativity and allow that sort of atmosphere to fester in our homes) Many people shared honestly about things they struggle with. I felt that at the end of the lesson we'd all been given a lot to think about, and that we'd all been encouraged to invest something in our marriages this week.

After church I was finally able to get some much needed sleep - thank God for the really good earplugs! When I woke about 4 hours later it was to a sweet note from my hubby, a clean house, a clean desk, happy boys... wonderful! I got up and we made a family dinner - flat iron steak with a seriously divine red wine sauce, mashed potatos, asparagus with lemon pepper and olive oil, and strawberry ice cream with chocolate chips for dessert. YUM.

Matt got the boys cleaned up and then fixed my dryer while I finished putting two soft snuggly guys to bed.

Today I am just trying to focus on the sunshine and all the good things from yesterday...