Perspective

The past few days have been frustrating for me - I feel like I'm saying the same things over and over again and I might as well be talking to a wall. (Mostly things like, "do not hit your brother, do not kick your brother, do not push your brother down, do not use your brother's head as a basketball court...") Then I feel defeated when I lose my temper with Ian or get irritable with Matt at the end of a long day... I am so determined not to be that kind of mom... yet for some reason it has been right there under the surface. I've commiserated with other mommies and discussed with Matt and with others... but tonight I was able to talk with a mom with more experience - 3 kids grown and out of the house, now enjoying her first grandchild - who is also a professional educator for young kids with special needs. (Funny, this description also fits nearly exactly my mother-in-law... perhaps I need to plan some time to spend with her too!!) Isn't it interesting how sometimes it just takes a certain person saying something a certain way for it to click for you. I don't think that this was necessarily new information for me, but I have definitely lost sight of it lately. She said that Ian is not old enough yet to have self control. He can be taught about consequences, but it will be at least another six months to a year before I can expect to see him develop self control. She knows that it is hard for me to remember this because he is so very expressive and verbal. (I asked her to remind me at least once a week for a while!)

I feel so strongly that I need to teach Ian how to behave well and to be a good brother to Caleb. Sometimes that goal blurs my vision of what to expect right now. Of course this lesson will be a long one to teach! I don't want to be angry with my I-man for things that he just can't be expected to do yet. Or even if I feel anger, I don't want to express it to him. It's not his burden to bear. I read something earlier today about parenting: when you feel overly frustrated as a parent remember there's only one person having a harder time with it than you: your child.