Shalom

I watched Shalom in the Home today - this is a great show that I have only caught once or twice. Shmuley, the host, said some interesting things that struck a chord with me, and I'm still turning them over in my mind. Generally it helps me to turn them over in writing even more, so here goes. One of the things he said was "God gave you these children so that you could learn to be more like them, not so they could learn to be more like you."

The Bible tells us that we should train our children up in the way they should go, and also that we are to become more and more like Christ the longer that we follow him. You could say that these ideas are in conflict with what Shmuley said, but in the context of the show I didn't really take it that way. The Bible also says that we should have faith like a child. I think this is closer to what Shmuley was getting at. Being a parent, it's really not a question in my mind that we are born seeking after selfish things, and perfectly capable of sin as soon as we can walk and talk. Yet at the same time we are born with such innocence. And such ability to learn and be taught about kindness and love. My boys express things so freely, both love and other emotions, without all the complications that we as adults put around our emotions. It's refreshing.

The decision to have children is the decision that your life isn't going to be about you any more. And with each child that intensifies. I can't really think of anything else that could teach us to be more like the Heavenly Father than loving our spouse and children day in and day out. I am definitely talking about love in the verb sense, not in the feeling sense. I know for sure that God gave me my children so that I could learn from them. I learn about who they are and I see that wonderful curiosity, fun, innocence, faith, and unconditional love. I also learn about me so that God can mold and change me through this process. Sometimes that is incredibly painful. I am so grateful for it though. I rejoice that my life is not about me. Some days I try to resist that fact and those are not good days. When I accept it and see the joy and the fun in the task at hand, those are the good days! It is way more joyful and way more fun when it's not all about you.

Another thought process that Shmuley has set in motion in me: Matt and I have been focused many times as we parent together on teaching the boys good behavior and to respect authority. We think discipline is very important. [Probably because they would have managed to tear the house apart completely or seriously maim themselves or each other without it!] But some days we have let these concerns become too much the emphasis. I don't think we've ever lost sight of treasuring our boys' playfulness or their need for fun times with us. I just know that somewhere along the line I've allowed my desire for their respect to become a demand, rather than something I try to inspire in them. Tonight I realized that I was asking Ian to set an example for Caleb, without setting the example myself. And I had a wonderful example of his childlike innocence when I apologized to him. He doesn't hold a grudge. He seemed to understand, and appreciate, what I said and then he let it go with a smile and "that's okay mommy, I have a kiss for you now". I have fantastic kids! I do not want to mess them up!! I really want to be a parent that earns their respect, and inspires them to want to be good kids, rather than expecting or demanding it. I don't think that means I have to lose any of my authority role with them either. I think it means I have to get much more creative, and probably put even more energy into this than I already do. God help me.