eureka, he's a Big Kid

I am very pleased to say that Ian Michael, age 3 years, 2 months, is potty trained! Yes, I am very excited. No I do not have much of a "life" by the world's standards (but I don't care - I love being a mommy!) No, the novelty of this will not be wearing off for me for about 6 months at least. :-)

Read on if you want more details... I will share it all in case there's another parent reading who is wanting some possible answers to the same questions I had in the past month or so... I am having trouble with adding the pictures so check back - I'll enlist my better half to help out with that soon.

Here's how it happened. After months of trying all sorts of methods (including lots of bribery) I found this book and decided to try it. Big selling point: this author has given many potty boot camps, successfully helping hundreds of parents to train their kids. Bigger selling point for me: she successfully trained her own 3-year-old son. Being fairly type A and never having potty trained anyone before I was a bit nervous - realizing that this could really complicate my life for an unknown length of time before simplifying it! Yet I felt that it was either try this or get into some version of punitive potty training because his daddy's frustration was growing. So, I chose the "super hero saves the day" theme and enlisted his Auntie Em's creative and artistic talents to help me pull it off. We decided on the day before New Year's Eve because we had almost a week with no Sunday school, preschool, or gymnastics.

Ian woke up completely unaware of the day's plans. He came downstairs and as we turned on the lights he looked up with his eyes full of wonder at all the decorations hanging from the ceiling. "Woah, mommy, what's all this? What is this for?"

I told him there must be a party about to happen and I thought there was something in the bathroom for him. He runs in and opens up his Paul doll and I told him Paul must be here to learn about going to the potty and maybe Ian could help me teach him. We ate breakfast and Daddy and little brother took off until Caleb's afternoon naptime. We started right in reading Paul a story about going potty and spent the morning watching potty training videos and playing games, running Paul to the potty every few minutes for both successes and for "building his potty training memory muscles" after accidents. Ian caught on almost immediately that all he had to say was "I promise to do my poop and pee on the potty every time just like Paul" in order to get Paul's reward from the treats tray.

After Ian's nap (Caleb and Daddy left the house again until the pizza party) he got another wrapped present, from Paul, this time it was his Buzz Lightyear big boy underwear. With all this taking place right after Christmas he was really into opening the gifts!! We put them on and immediately he got rewarded because those big boy pants were dry. All afternoon we did the same sorts of things for him that we'd done for Paul in the morning and he was very excited. He was very motivated by the promise that if he kept trying to stay dry we would have a pizza party and then go to the fire station afterward. I had arranged this with the fire chief a couple of days ahead. We had videos and books about fire fighters and a "flashing light" for the bathroom that was really cool with the lights off while he sat on the potty. Paul had fireman underwear too. It really could not have gone better.

There were moments both in the morning and afternoon where Ian started to resist my suggestions to take Paul or himself to the potty but with all of the ideas from Auntie Em and the book I was able to redirect and basically bribe him to go along with it for a little longer. I finally figured out that Ian being such a fast learner, he didn't need quite so many repititions as the book suggested for playing out Pauls' half of the day, and in the afternoon had the idea for himself after a few times as well. So I stuck to the plan but just decreased the amount of times I was trying to encourage him into the bathroom, and that took care of his resistance. We also did some things that weren't directly related to potty training like going outside with Paul and running around the house, and icing the cupcakes to take to the firefighters that night. We had a blast at the fire station!!! I took his "super seat" (superman pillowcase with an absorbent pad tucked inside) just because I was so afraid of him peeing in the fire engine. He didn't, and was so proud of himself when he peed in the fireman's potty, just like a real fireman! Firefighter Chris welcomed us at the door with a huge smile, showed us all around the station, answered all of Ian's questions, turned on the flashing lights and sat Ian in the hot seat... both boys left with fire hats and trucks with extendable ladders. We'll always remember that whole day as so much fun!

The real clincher was the following day, putting Ian in underwear without all the hoopla and constant reminders of the party. We were all on a bit of a rollercoaster for the next few days because Ian couldn't seem to make it to the potty for urine without one of us reminding/bribing/coercing him in there in the right time frame. He had a couple of accidents at home that he was real upset about. Then he started to not care about them, and even smiled at me once while he peed on the carpet. I went and submitted my questions about what to do next to Teri Crane (author of the book) through her online form. She called me two days later and gave me some pointers over the phone. I was amazed - it's not often you get that kind of quick response and unhurried personal attention from someone in her position! So we started with a new game using marbles in a jar to represent a goal he was working toward (at first a few marbles for a cupcake, then more for a trip to Graeter's, then as many as I could find for a trip to grandma and grandpa's house). The same day we also tried our friend Krissy's advice to make sure he stayed in his wet clothes after an accident for a few extra minutes so he'd put it together how nice it is to stay dry. I talked with the pediatrician as well, and he thought it was just a matter of choice for Ian. Even though I was really concerned about how long this process might take we were determined not to go back to pull ups except during sleep. Ian never once had an accident with poop, and we didn't even have to remind him - from the potty party day on he was in complete control of that, so we weren't willing to give that up. And we were able to go for a whole day at a time or more with no accidents as long as we stayed on top of things and got him to the potty every couple of hours. Friday (six days after the potty party) we went to preschool and within the first hour he'd wet the carpet in the art room. For the rest of the day his teachers just brought him down to my classroom because he wouldn't go without me. Sunday morning he did better - stayed dry until the last five minutes of church and had tried so hard to wait on us to come pick him up but couldn't quite make it. He absolutely flooded the floor that time. His teacher said he seemed very embarrassed. Since that time, with continuing the marbles game, it's like someone has flipped the switch. He is in absolute control! I never have to remind him. He has not had an accident since then and it is now Thursday. We're now starting to wean down the rewards because I know that he doesn't need them - he is truly a big boy and wants to use the potty every time!! The last piece of the puzzle comes tomorrow, when we head back to preschool. I really believe he's going to do it this week with no trouble. He's not yet gone with anyone else but me, daddy, grandma, or grandpa, but most of the time he just goes by himself anyway, so I just don't think it's going to matter. Will update on that Monday or later.

One thing I was concerned about before the potty party was his bladder control. Lots of times I've heard about being dry after a nap as a sign of readiness for potty training, and Ian was almost never dry. There were only two instances I could even think of when he had demonstrated bladder control. Since he showed all the other signs of readiness I relied on those two instances! As it turns out, it only took a few days and bam, there it was. All the sudden he could go for hours rather than 20 minutes, and was dry at naptimes and overnight too!! We still put him in "just in case big boy pants" overnight but 4 out of 5 nights he is totally dry and goes on his own in the morning to take off the pull up and pee in the potty. I find it interesting how many nights he can wear one in a row before it starts to lose elasticity!! So for Ian it was just like my friend Melissa said, sometimes they don't develop that control until they're asked to hold it!!

My advice to any parent reading this who wants to try the one day potty party method:

Get your hands on the book and follow the structure Teri lays out!! Make sure you pay attention to the readiness chapter and spend the weeks leading up to the party laying the foundation by teaching them about changing their own clothes, wiping themselves clean, and washing their hands. I would have hated to go through all the preparations only to discover he wasn't ready, and then the novelty of the party would be used up. I made sure and knew in my heart that he was ready. The only thing I changed at all was decreasing the repititions of trips to the potty, because as the day went on Ian showed me that's what he needed. Not only was her plan a wonderful way to let Ian have fun and feel good while being potty trained, the most important thing of all was that it gave me the tools I needed not to give up. I feel like the potty party helped me understand Ian better and to learn some parenting tools that will help out in completely unrelated situations. He went from diapers to underwear in one day. He was completely trained in one week. He needed those extra few days (and one embarrassing accident) to fully "get it". It does not have to be expensive. I utilized my sister's talents, the library reserve system, e-bay, and borrowed items like my mom's blender and dad's walkie talkies for "superhero" equipment.

I am just so proud of Ian!